A Singular Voice; an interior of boredom.

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Don’t be afraid to say no when you are single. Don’t let your self-worth go down the drain – just because you feel like you have been alone (not necessarily lonely) for a while, it doesn’t mean you need to say yes to any potential companionship that knocks your door along the way. Embrace the offers… ah, to embrace.

This is my dream I’m living in; successful, forward, indulged, and loved… alone. …but I guess you’ll never know what your true dream is until you’ve ticked the many first ones on your bucket list. To have realized it’s not your true goal in life? Such a waste? No. That just means you’ve accomplished more in life and have managed to make your time being alive worthwhile.

To be continued.

 

Bliss

2012: in retrospect.

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Time flies, and sadly I can’t say my 2012 was better than the year before. A mild undertone filled my somber love-line and I was kept at bay by having occasional “fvck-all”s. 2012 s such a peak of my bittersweet love stories, or perhaps non-love stories, and I’m glad I’ve survived in one whole piece. Oh, on top of ‘em, career was too stagnant, if not a mild bust. :/ Gotta pick everything up if I wanna make it further this year.

A sad break-up earlier this year, with someone whom I’ve shared a home with for more than a year, made me realise on the importance of having fun; lightening up. At the time, I found out, as much as how I was perfectly fine being alone, moving on, I was never going to be left alone by anyone. So I continued to “have fun”. I thought it was just a mild rebound, and boy was I wrong. It continued to be a habit of us, to come home and went through with the whole process in all casual manners.

I ran away to Greece and had the love of my year. Perfect scene, perfect dose of happiness; I wish Greece well, I wish him well.

Fastforward – ended, met another guy, all casual, ended. A mistress, I felt.

Well, here’s a passage that lingers and very much summed up both encounters. “Are we dating? Are we fvcking? Are we best friends? Are we something in between that? I wish we never fvcked, and i mean that. But not really…” Childish Gambino, Heartbeat. ;)

In conclusion, having fun is not for me, at least not that way – and I would be better off being a calm and composed old (but better) me.

The beginning.

A Playlist: these have made my 2012.

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It’s that time (of the year) again to compile the track I listen to the most! Okay, okay, I’m late by a day, but to be fair, it’s still very much the 31st in the US. :P So here goes; not all of them were released in recent times, but these are the ones that have made my 2012. :D

The Mary Onnettes

15/30. A song that describes me.

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A song that describes me… hmm, can’t really think of any at the moment. I do have a song in mind which describes my state of being. I’ve been living away from home ever since I turned 17. Too far away. I’m constantly searching of what home is; where it is, how it’s going to be like… am I content? I miss my hometown, but I can’t call it home anymore. It feels like a somber long distance relationship, which is never a good thing.

Well, here goes my state of being…

“…I should be here to grow, I should be here to know, that if I make it right, I could be heading home….”

Joy Division

Joy Division: an intervention.

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This is a birthday post. I had quite a significant one not too long ago, the one most referred to as the dawn of a quarter-life crisis. Mine’s pretty mild so far, I’ve achieved what I’ve always wanted since I was 13, but whether what I’ve always wanted is actually what I need is another story. This is where the crisis comes in, I believe.

I’m not happy with lots of things and most of them are out of my hands, but I got this saying I’ve formed once upon a day when a long lost friend asked a question of life. Deep, I must say, but here goes; “…explore possibilities, embrace chances/changes and expect interesting things to come my way. Take it all in, one at a time, letting positive vibes come along. At least, even if the final goal is yet to be determined, I can still feel the daily upgrade.” I’m holding on to this thought in hopes of it keeping me sane and awake.

I can still remember how happy I was a month ago when I went to a New Order concert. Bucket list ticked. I was alone, fully absorbing the enjoyment of the scene. I got all teary-eyed… never thought I would ever be that weak at heart for a band I like/love. “Here to Stay” played and I smiled. By the time it hit “Regret” I sunk deep, but it was “Love Will Tear Us Apart” followed by Ian Curtis’ photo on the screen that struck me (followed by “Forever Joy Division”). He committed suicide when he was 24, and now I’m very much glad that I’m entering 25 with a sweet solemn contempt. Although… bucket list is way off and I need to make amend to the procrastination cycle I’ve been stuck in.

I’m ready.

Flack

14/30. A song that no one would expect me to love.

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I’m back with the challenge! …this is something I haven’t finished last year, I’m such a bad blogger –  which means I’m not a blogger at all. A song that no one would expect me to love – well this is tricky, because anyone who knows me pretty much have realised I have a palate for variety, anything will do as long as they are pitch perfect and would linger through… but I got surprising two!

DistanceSea

June: I left my heart in the distance sea.

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This site has been abandoned ever since I’ve left out my need to be happy – but I didn’t realise I was THAT brokenhearted. I was torn.. extremely disappointed. Months have passed and I’ve moved on. I’ve kept myself busy enough to know better not to drown myself in sorrow. I’ve been happy.. I’ve been glad.. mostly relieved. So I embarked upon a journey to Greece. Why Greece? When I was sixteen, I  was blessed with a Eurotrip; Naoussa – Athens – Rome -Florence – Venice – Paris – Lyon. I was representing my country in an International Folk Dance Festival. The charm of the Greeks lingered. Santorini, I’ve never been. I booked myself a ticket, ready to be welcomed by the charm once again. I was enthralled – woken up by the warm sunrise peeking through my terraced-room window, mesmerised by the charming villages upon the glimmering sea, palate satisfied by the delightful wine and cusine, enlightened by the local insights, surprised by the amazing sunset by the bar where I went to see Euro Cup matches night after night… and I can go on and on.. I just made these sound sooo mushy and romantic. Well it was.

I fell in love with Greece. I fell in and out love in Greece – it hurts. It’s hard to miss someone you can’t love. Although still weak at heart, I grew content with my vulnerability. I embraced the love I’ve received and will never regret the love I’ve shared.

But here’s a lil fun tune I discovered when I was very much roomie-aloney in Athens.

 

…and here’s how I really feel about June. ”I finally got to hold the Western sea… and you finally got to run away with me… and I finally found the better part of me…”